I woke up excited this morning because it was Sunday! This is the day that I have devoted to posting on this blog whatever crazy, silly, reflective, or creative thoughts that come into my consciousness. Today, I woke up thinking about why I love sex so much and why I am so preoccupied with the subject. Besides the obvious benefits, what is it specifically that drives my thoughts and desires…? Have I merely succumbed to the mammalian instinctual drive (even though I no longer pro-create) or is there something deeper to this sensual experience?
My thoughts were swirling on this topic while I was reading a piece written by Camus on the tendency to view busyness as a prerequisite of a full and productive life. However, the activities with which we humans often routinely engage as a part of our daily lives, are often mindless; in other words, we travel through most of our day on auto-pilot. In fact, the majority of hours that I spend as a “paid employee” are exactly that: automatic. I cannot begin to count the days that I have looked at the clock in surprise because of the lateness of the hour (my job is very hectic at times) and how the time seemed to have “flown-by.” Camus challenges this phenomenon by offering the perspective that we waste the majority of our preciously fleeting moments of life with this type of out-of-body activity.
So, what does this have to do with sex? It is true that when I am anticipating an encounter, my mind is often not in the present moment but is instead thinking about the pleasures to come; while I am preparing my body and my specifically chosen garments, I am almost always thinking about the look of pleasure and anticipation upon his face. I also think about how I want to set the stage for his first glimpse of me in order to further provoke our appetites. However, once all of this has come to pass, I am fully, irretrievably, and unreservedly, in the present moment. During sexual, sensual pleasures, I am fully in the dimensional space of that sensation, that activity, that excitement, and the enjoyment that I am bringing to my partner and myself. I purposefully take note of each of my five senses and I deliberately involve each one in the experience; I am fully cognizant of being in a continuum where time does not exist and the outside world, for a time, has disappeared. The glorious experience of sex is escapism in its most relevant function. To lose myself in a timeless and weightless space of sensual delight, is for me the highest form of human expression which is not permitted to exist in any other dimension than that of the present.