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Sanity is overrated!

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busy-ness

Sunday Musings

I woke up excited this morning because it was Sunday!  This is the day that I have devoted to posting on this blog whatever crazy, silly, reflective, or creative thoughts that come into my consciousness.  Today, I woke up thinking about why I love sex so much and why I am so preoccupied with the subject.  Besides the obvious benefits, what is it specifically that drives my thoughts and desires…?  Have I merely succumbed to the mammalian instinctual drive (even though I no longer pro-create) or is there something deeper to this sensual experience?

My thoughts were swirling on this topic while I was reading a piece written by Camus on the tendency to view busyness as a prerequisite of a full and productive life.  However, the activities with which we humans often routinely engage as a part of our daily lives, are often mindless; in other words, we travel through most of our day on auto-pilot.  In fact, the majority of hours that I spend as a “paid employee” are exactly that: automatic.  I cannot begin to count the days that I have looked at the clock in surprise because of the lateness of the hour (my job is very hectic at times) and how the time seemed to have “flown-by.”  Camus challenges this phenomenon by offering the perspective that we waste the majority of our preciously fleeting moments of life with this type of out-of-body activity.

So, what does this have to do with sex?  It is true that when I am anticipating an encounter, my mind is often not in the present moment but is instead thinking about the pleasures to come; while I am preparing my body and my specifically chosen garments, I am almost always thinking about the look of pleasure and anticipation upon his face.  I also think about how I want to set the stage for his first glimpse of me in order to further provoke our appetites.  However, once all of this has come to pass, I am fully, irretrievably, and unreservedly, in the present moment.  During sexual, sensual pleasures, I am fully in the dimensional space of that sensation, that activity, that excitement, and the enjoyment that I am bringing to my partner and myself.  I purposefully take note of each of my five senses and I deliberately involve each one in the experience; I am fully cognizant of being in a continuum where time does not exist and the outside world, for a time, has disappeared.  The glorious experience of sex is escapism in its most relevant function.  To lose myself in a timeless and weightless space of sensual delight, is for me the highest form of human expression which is not permitted to exist in any other dimension than that of the present.

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction…

Life got away from me this week.  I have been going mindlessly from one thing to another without purpose or intentional direction.  I have been hitting my college classes hard for the last three years and I will be finishing my degree in two weeks…and I’m nuts!  It is a paradox that man can endure until the end is in sight and then the transition to unbearable begins; this is precisely where I am and with two weeks left, it can’t come fast enough.  Speaking of which, I haven’t had any time for fun lately and I have some serious tension built up with no relief in sight!  I have had a couple of reliable FWBs but circumstances have left those avenues unavailable at the present moment and I am a hurtin’ unit!  Enough whining,  I will make it short and sweet and will have to make do with a gadget or two… how do I spell “relief”?       O-R-G-A-S-M!

“I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round…” -J. Lennon

I always feel like I should be doing “more” and that I am wasting my life if it is not crammed full of activity.  This feeling brings with it a state of futility and hopelessness that once started, is very difficult to shake.  What if I just accepted the fact that this “down” time is really preparation time for that indefinable future that is beyond my wildest imagination?

The truth is that I really need this down time to explore my inner world to seek out the hidden blocks to the abundance which I know exists within the constructs of blood, brain, and neural pathways.

I must always live somewhere quiet—where I can hear myself think and feel my heart beating.  To listen to the sounds of life around me is pure bliss, and to sit and observe the living creatures going on about the business of living, is pure joy.  Not the exuberant, loud and disruptive joy, but the kind that is quiet and expansive and knows no limits.

Trees

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