…which doesn’t necessarily mean that I will take the trip. All that means is that I have purchased the ticket and I have been waiting in line and deep down inside I know that I don’t want to go there. Call it habit, call it familiarity, call it predictable, the destination is the same and I can’t seem to get out of the damn line. Let me explain.
It started with dinner and I thought that I was on my game. He seemed shy and awkward and I felt powerful and poised. Our conversation was witty and flirtatious with a hint of innuendo and I loved it! I felt like a lioness stalking her prey and having circled around him for four to five dates, I was ready to spring. Well, I sprung. The encounter was incredible and passionate and sweaty and animal; it was actually the best sex I have ever had in my life and I was amazed because I have had some very good sex. Fifty-One Shades of Chris was the theme of the liaison and some hair pulling and mild bondage maneuvers and “whoa-man!” it was one of the most incredible experiences of my sheltered sexual life; I wanted more! Having gorged myself on the talents of Mr. Chris, I hungered for more and more I received. Expecting the passions to decrease a bit the next time, I was quite surprised to find them even better than the first time and I decided to buy the ticket. Previously, I had analytically concluded that to maintain my edge (seeing as how I am a very proper but lusty woman) I knew that there exists a very fine balance between being the hunter and being the hunted; I was determined to maintain the upper hand and stalk my quarry rather sensuously until he was caught and delivered up the goods. However, this game plan had me at the Crazy Train Station in the first place and my conviction that this time it would be a success had me purchase the ticket ; I was certain that I wanted to go on the ride (no pun intended!) but I did not want to get off of the train in Crazy Town. Things there can be a little…er, crazy!
Crazy Town is not a bad place if you like crazy, and some people do. For myself, I don’t mind tangling with the other ticket buyers and getting to know the people that I am standing next to in line. In fact I enjoy meeting and getting to know many types of people and you certainly get a chance when standing in line to board Crazy Train. Not all of the stories are the same but they do have some similarities: drama, romance, sex, broken promises, unspoken expectations, fear, anger, hurt, obsession, etc. This is the cocktail that they serve on the Crazy Town Express and it is a powerful concoction. Talk about the hangover!
Edging myself out of the Crazy Line is not so easy: it usually involves unhooking from the obsession of believing that I am still in control, the lioness or the hunter. For I am now the prey of an animal that has eaten his fill and no longer has the insatiable urge to continue to stalk me. Like a puppy that has found someone to play with that is now bored with that game, I have the option of staying in line and hoping that Crazy Town will be in a better season and therefore more pleasant; or I can deliberately begin to edge my way out of the line knowing that once again positions of power have altered and I no longer hold the winning hand and that only thing to be gained by actually going to Crazy Town is knowing that I am very familiar with the place and there are others there like myself and the trip always ends much the same way: a little wiser, a little wounded, and a little more knowledge for the next time…