Sanity is overrated!


September 2013

Sex ala Carte

A wise spiritual teacher once told me that human beings have two goals in life: first to avoid pain, and second to seek pleasure. This most basic and profound truth has manifested itself in various ways my life both constructively and destructively but never so powerfully as in the realm of the sexual encounter. Romanticizing, fantasizing, and indulging in mental foreplay can act as a catalyst to achieve its main objective: the fully engulfed and consumed organ of love and friction, pleasure and penetration, which only the object of my affections can provide. For those few hours, my life slips away with its problems, it stresses, its financial issues, its familial obligations, and I am free to lose myself in one pleasurable sensation after another as I allow the waves of ecstasy to wash over me until I am completely relaxed and entirely satiated. The experience of two bodies joined, even briefly, forms a unique and distinct bond that supersedes and transcends the monotony and loneliness of human existence and is truly a miracle salve for the solitary and independent woman.

Encounters begin long before the first physical maneuver takes place. Designed to procreate, we have instincts that propel us into the arms (and other body parts) of our fellow humans. Our gray matter, the most influential sex organ we possess, begins instantly to strategically assess the feasibility of pleasure as our eyes meet and the synapses in our brains begin to fire; in a split-second, the possibilities are analyzed and this all happens before one single word is ever spoken.  Long after the desire to reproduce has been relinquished, we still crave the connectedness that occurs during this tenuous and passionate event simply called “sex.” And there is nothing on Earth that comes close to being its equal!

Yet, there is a flip-side to this little bit of heaven: attitudes and judgements in regard to the casual encounter are varied and for women, a double-standard still exists. Being a smoker, or obscenely overweight, does not compare to the criticisms dished out to the sexually independent woman. This condemnation forces us into a certain type of secrecy, a double-lifestyle that cannot help but include the fear of discovery which can perpetuate the shame attached to one of the most beautiful and sensual experiences of our human existence. Life can be hard, people! We need sex to redeem us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is no secret that frequency of sex prolongs life and adds to our sense of well-being. Studies have shown the benefits of this sensual nutrient and conversely, its deficiency.  The happiest marriages I have encountered have each involved an active sexual component; while the unhappiest of couples are malnourished and starved. Yes, sex is good for us and to us!

Opportunities for the sexually independent woman are not always abundant; feast or famine seems to be the rule. Lately, I have been feasting and this bit of medicinal therapy has helped me to explore my needs as a fit sexual being. I have come to the conclusion that we each need to feel connected and to experience the comfort of human touch. Women and men have a need to know that they are desirable and and wanted. In spite of the societal stigmas that abound, a healthy diet of nutritious food, sleep, exercise, and sex, work together to make for a winning combination.  Here’s to your health!


I am a cynic. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind, especially when it comes to romance. I despise chick flicks, anything mushy, or that involves cheesy romance. I used to think that there was something amiss  because the majority of my female friends love these kinds of films; I detest them. There is nothing more nauseating than to have a story play out into some unrealistic fairy tale ending. Take for example the 80s hit film Pretty Woman, starring Julia Roberts; the storyline of the movie was so implausible that it bordered on the ridiculous: a street-walking hooker is picked up by a wealthy businessman(which just so happens to be the extremely good-looking Richard Gere) and in 1 week, he proceeds to fall in love with her strawberry-seed-flossing, mouth-open-wide-enough-to-swallow-a-horse, ways. The public went mad over this film and I could not believe what a bunch of idealistic idiots we women had become! For one thing, when a woman is sexing-it-up with other men for money, a man will never forget that and to equate future love, trust, and fidelity with a hooker is just ludicrous! Or mentally unstable. In other words, if it seems too good to be true…need I say more? So, it seems pretty strange to me that I have found myself looking forward to a date with someone that I actually find intriguing. I might even be willing to put aside my Don Draper-esque attitudes for an evening just to test the validity of my long held beliefs. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in love and commitment but I do not believe that the all-encompassing, you-are-my-everything love is based in reality. It’s just too tall of an order. Arnold Schwarzenegger couldn’t even carry that weight!

There is one more detail about my date that is worthy of mention: this man is the best friend of a man with which I have been having a very secret affair; I am almost hysterical with laughter over the irony of it all! The circumstances of this situation are purely coincidental and I have been slowly coming to terms with my “romanticynicism” and how it has helped to create the compartmentalization that is so prevalent in my romantic affairs. The affair, I thought, would help me to insulate against the alone-ness that I sometimes feel as a single woman. I have prided myself on being a mostly self-contained unit and wanting a man in my life (as opposed to needing a man in my life) has secured a certain kind of independence of which I am pleased. Keeping everyone in their places while having a place for everyone, has created for me a sense of peace and order in a hectic and sometimes chaotic life. So, it is not surprising that this new component strikes a little fear in the heart of my semi-ordered existence. But truthfully, what does it matter? What are the chances that this man (as intriguing as he seems to be) is not just another Mr. Right-Now? Here I go, getting all analytical over a scene that has not yet played out and anticipating the drama of a performance that has not even been to dress rehearsal! The truth is that this date will probably be the beginning of yet another friendship and the chance to once again confirm the knowledge that I am right where I am supposed to be and I am still the author of the play.

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